Why can saying no produce so much guilt? Boundaries aren't simply about becoming more assertive. Understanding why other people's disappointment feels so difficult can help us build relationships in which our own needs have room too.

“Just set a boundary” has …

Choosing a therapist is an important decision. A little research, a few conversations, and paying attention to your own reactions can make the process much easier.

There is a slightly unfortunate irony about looking for a therapist: we're often expected to make …

Sometimes we know exactly what we're doing—and even know it isn't helping—but somehow we keep doing it anyway. Understanding why can be one of the most useful parts of therapy.

One of the questions I've heard repeatedly over more than 20 years of doing therapy is …

What recurring arguments can tell us about connection, conflict, and what each partner may really be trying to say.

One of the things couples often tell me in a first session is, “We keep having the same argument.” The details may change—it might be money this …

Anxiety can feel like a mind that simply refuses to switch off. But what if it isn't just a problem to eliminate? Understanding what anxiety is trying to protect—and learning when worry has stopped being useful—can help us develop a very different relationship …

Veterans, civilians, and the sometimes-overlooked wounds of conscience, values and trust

When people think about psychological injuries associated with military service, they usually think about PTSD. But there is another idea that I think deserves much more …